


We don't hide and we don't run

by Trojie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drabble Sequence, Episode Related, Episode: s05e04 The End, Fanmix, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trojie/pseuds/Trojie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Endverse: Castiel and Dean don't have much else, but they still (will always, will <i>forever</i> ) have each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We don't hide and we don't run

**Author's Note:**

> Six Endverse drabbles with associated songs, which originated as a fanmix for a friend, but got out of hand.

1

__[I dream about somewhere, our smoke will fill the air](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEIeb85DkCs)  
As I lay awake and wait for you to walk out that door.  
I can change, I can change, I can change, but who you want me to be?  
I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, oh do you want me to be?  
You are not alone, dear Loneliness  
You forgot, but I remember this  
Oh stranger, stranger, stranger things have happened,  
I know, oh, oh  


Castiel is laid up and in pain, and he knows he's useless to Dean when he can't hunt, but he wants to help. So he waits for Dean to come home from raids. The idea that one day he _won't_ come home is something Castiel rejects like sometimes his stomach rejects his breakfast, something he can't handle, won't ever allow into his system. He waits. He'll always wait.

He waits and when Dean comes in he sits with him, and they talk, or they don't, and the air curls, swirls, blue with dust that sparkles like Van Gogh painted it (Castiel loved artists when humanity still had them) and full of the smell of gun oil and leather and sweat, and Dean breathes it in and becomes more and more himself.

Every day though, Dean's less and less who he used to be, metamorphosing, changing under the pressure he's putting them both through, all the weight of the world on Dean's shoulders pushing down and Castiel under him, trying to be what he needs. 

He's useless to Dean like this. 

Dean keeps coming home to him, though.

2

__[The blue pill opens your eyes](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKrDXLHkEUk)  
Is there a better way?  
A new religion prescribed  
To those without the faith  
A hero holding a knife  
And blood is not enough  
Is it too late to go back?  
Is it too late to go?  


They give Castiel pills and he takes them because they say the pills will make him feel better. They make him feel something he didn't realise he missed, instead. He used to be able to stand pain because it was only a reaction of this body, and this body wasn't _his_ body, it was something he'd borrowed and was going to leave one day.

None of that is true any more.

The pills let Castiel walk and talk and eat food. He smiles and laughs, because the pills let him. But Dean watches him laugh and doesn't join in. Just watches, even with his back turned, even from someone else's cabin, and Castiel watches him too. 

The pain comes back different. The pills don't help with that, but he keeps taking them anyway.

3

__[I don't want to be the one](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H4l9RpkwM)  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realise  
That I'm the one confused  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream.  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean.  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright.  
So I'm breaking the habit,  
I'm breaking the habit tonight  


Dean knows he's to blame for the end of the world but he's damned if he's gonna mope about it. He's damned if he's gonna stop fighting for even one moment, or give even one goddamn inch, and he knows exactly how all this went to shit around him. He knows where he's weak.

Cas deserves his own cabin - no-one else has to share if they don't want to. Dean has to be strong if he's going to win this, if he's going to fix his mistakes. That has to start somewhere - he can't _afford_ to have weaknesses. 

He packs his duffle, and he steps outside to make the one call he swore he wouldn't.

Michael doesn't answer when Dean yells himself raw. Cas doesn't say a fucking thing about it after even though Dean knows he was watching from their - his - cabin window, and maybe Dean Winchester never understood angels in the first place.

4

__[If what you are, is just what you own](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GpIEUPJof4)  
What have you become  
When they take from you almost everything?  
You don't believe in God,  
I don't believe in luck,  
They don't believe in us,  
But I believe we're the enemy  


Cas won't go.

Cas won't _let go_. Cas chucks back medication like Skittles and gets in Dean's space and handles a shotgun almost as good as Sammy used to, back before, and the only thing that ever touches his eyes any more is when Dean gives an order and the corners of Cas's eyelids crinkle, and that's a real angel smile, like a razorblade in a bucket of candy. 

Cas has Dean's back and he gets himself whaled on because of it but he won't fucking _stop_ , just keeps on coming, just keeps dosing himself, just keeps screwing around with whoever'll have him, just keeps doing what he does to get by so that when Dean says 'go' he can say 'point me'. 

Dean gives up trying to protect him, starts to use him. Tactics, the way he was trained. Starts to _deploy_ Cas like he deploys the rest of them. His troops. 

Dean starts to think maybe he can fix this, as long as he still has Cas.

5

__[I wanted freedom, now I'm restricted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhAmug6Ts6o)  
I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted  
Now that you know I'm trapped, sense of elation  
You never dream of breaking this fixation  
You will squeeze the life out of me  
Bury it, I won't let you bury it  
I won't let you smother it, I won't let you murder it  
And our time is running out, and our time is running out  
You can't push it underground, you can't stop it screaming out  
How did it come to this?  


This was supposed to be the end of the world. Dean is building something out of it but it's a house of cards, and Castiel wants to scream at him sometimes, wants to punch him, wants to drag him into bed and not let him up until he's exhausted and given in and has let Castiel show him that he is loved, he is so very loved. But Dean doesn't give in. He can never give in.

So Castiel does instead.

6

__[I wonder how you sleep, I wonder what you think of me,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boLXz0YIxq8)  
If I could go back, would you have ever been with me?  
I want you to be unused, I want you to remember  
I want you to believe in me, I want you on my side.  
Come on and lay it down, I've always been with you  
Here and now, give all that's within you  
Be my saviour  
And I'll be your downfall  


Tomorrow, Dean's going to shoot the monster that used to be his brother.

Castiel's pretty sure that was never in anyone's plans. 

Dean's out on the hood of the Impala, soaked in dew and overgrown with grass, and he doesn't say a word when Castiel climbs up to join him, just nods. They sit ankle-to-ankle, knee-to-knee, hip-to-hip, and watch the stars.

Castiel was sent to watch over Dean and lead him to his destiny, and he failed so utterly where his orders were concerned that right now it looks like maybe he might have succeeded at 'destiny' after all.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Songs used:
> 
> 1 - Stranger Things Have Happened - Foo Fighters  
> 2 - Better Living Through Chemistry - Queens of the Stone Age  
> 3 - Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park  
> 4 - Destroya - My Chemical Romance  
> 5 - Time Is Running Out - Muse  
> 6 - Downfall - Matchbox 20


End file.
